What’s For Afters? a play in one scene

DISCLAIMER: Characters that may appear in this blog are
fictitious. Any similarity to ppl living or dead (mostly
dead) are coincidental. The earth is flan.

SCENE: The “afterlife” and even that phrase fails to grasp
it. Take whatever you can imagine, and then don’t use that.
And then think of something else even more absurd and crazy
than what you had previously imagined, and then don’t use
that either. Then take everything that every human being in
the history of mankind contemplated as whatever the afterlife
might be, and then chunk that too. Whatever’s left. That’s
what this is. Whatever this is, it isn’t remotely what anyone
has ever contemplated. It’s that. Well actually, once you
contemplate it, it won’t be that either.

Okay fine. A bench that seats three people comfortably,
overlooking the entire expanse of a starry nighted universe as if it
were a pond with some ducks in it. Howzzat? George is already
sitting at the bench when the lights come up. Maybe he looks
like he’s pantomiming feeding ducks.. Robin walks up. Both
gentlemen are in pink frilly bathrobes and cowboy boots.

Robin: Oh hey!
George: Hey.
Robin: So.
George: Go ahead say it
Robin: wow?
George: Well I said holy fucking shit when I first got here.
Robin: I wasn’t expecting this.
George: Me either.
Robin: We can’t go back and tell them?
George: What? And ruin the surprise?
Robin: oh
George: What’s wrong?
Robin: Nothing. Just.
George: You still wanna tell them?
Robin: Yeah.
George: Don’t try.
Robin: Why not?
George: Cuz I said.
Robin: [looks around] Hey where’s Lenny?
George: [looks at Robin] …
Robin: What? …oh!
George: Don’t try.
Robin: This really wasn’t what I was expecting.
George: What’d you expect?
Robin: Oh gee. I dunno. Somethin. Nothin maybe?
George: Uh huh
Robin: We were all way off back there.
George: You complaining?
Robin: No just..
George: What?
Robin: Where are our pants?
George: You can have pants if ya want pants
Robin: Where are yours?
George: I don’t want pants.
Robin: Where’s mine?
George: You want pants?
Robin: No.
George: Well there ya go.
Robin: they’re still thinking in terms of heaven and hell
back there.
George: Let em. Bunch of jackoffs!

*lights go to black*

…And SCENE!

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