SHORT ATTENTION SPAN VERSION (spoilers)
Her name is/was Michelle McNamara and she was crazy smart. Scary smart lady. She was into True Crime writing and you can read some of her stuff online. So do that and then go tell Patton Oswalt how wonderful his wife was and is and always will be so long as people remember her fondly. Okay you don’t have to read anything else. Unless you need convincing. Cuz we don’t want Patton Oswalt to go all Rick Moranis on us, do we?
LONG VERSION for those with too much time on their hands.
What started all this for me? This.
So I’m scanning my Twitter a few days ago and I noticed other people saying they were “so sorry!” to Patton Oswalt. No context. Just “I’m so sorry.” And my instinct was that this must be a punchline to some joke I’m not privy to yet! So I went to his TL and what I saw was a pic of him posing as Prince many years ago now, but Prince had just passed away, so maybe people were saying they were sorry that Patton tried to be Prince and failed..? Maybe that was the joke? That didn’t make any sense.
Anyway my short attention span brain had already forgotten about the impetus that led me here to Patton’s Twitter page. I decided to just retweet this image (cuz actually that’s pretty good Prince cosplay right there I mean admit it) and I compared it with intentional sarcasm to other cosplays Patton Oswalt has done in the past like his Doctor Octopus or The Penguin. And then I left it at that. And already moved on to cats running into patio glass doors or something. I’m very short attention span theater when I’m on the internet.
Then Mark Cole responded to my response to Oswalt.
Ouch. Color me insensitive.
So then all the sudden I got the “punchline” why my Twitter timeline was being spackled with people apologizing to Patton Oswalt for seemingly no reason, and I felt a need to join in. But why are we saying we’re sorry? Did any of us KILL Michelle McNamara? Of course not! Although if one of you did she woulda been able to figure it out before she died cuz.. well she’s crazy scary smart. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
My point is, prior to that instant I didn’t even know Patton Oswalt was MARRIED much less that she had a NAME. What DO you say to this man, who is obviously an atheist like myself. How do you console a man who just lost the love of his life? A lady who helped him make another lady in the form of his daughter that they’ve been raising together and now… I’ve struggled with this for a few days now and the answer ..well I knew the answer. I hate this answer. The answer is nothing. There’s literally nothing I can do, and I can’t stand this answer cuz I always have to make everything about me, cuz I’m a self-centered bastard!
I don’t know this Patton Oswalt guy from Andrew Jackson. I mean I’ve never met him. I’ve tweeted at him a few times but can’t recall more than the most cursory of responses from him. AND THAT’S OKAY! I am VERY okay most of the time with celebrities I like on Twitter NOT liking me back. I recall Dichen Lachman saying something nice to me on Twitter once just in passing, many years ago now, and I was on Cloud Nine for weeks but aside from that, most of the time if a celebrity said something in response to what I tweet, it’d probably either lead to a misunderstanding or it’s cuz I said something stupid which I do a LOT or whatever.. there’s many scenarios in which more bad can come from it than good. And I’m much more okay most of the time with being completely ignored than getting someone’s bile or even worse their ADMIRATION!? WHAT WOULD I DO WITH THEIR ADMIRATION? I wouldn’t know what to do with that. Except for Dichen Lachman. I just had a stupid smile on my face for days and she just said one simple tiny little thing it was precious I can’t even remember what she said now but it was perfect and she was perfect and.. In hindsight tho I looked like an idiot walking around with that stupid smile on my face for weeks.. I don’t want that ever again either.
So maybe the best thing to do is nothing. Maybe we nonbelievers just can’t console each other. What do believers have? “she’s going to a better place.” “she’s in heaven now and God will care for her.” “we will pray for you.” you know what? If you STILL read my stuff at this point and you STILL believe in a god after all the crap I’ve blogged about how your god doesn’t exist in this reality, you know what? Fuck your god, alright? Your alleged perfect all knowing all powerful being has intentionally created a universe in which death is just a fact of life. It’s a part of his Divine Plan. And you know what? Fuck your god’s divine plan, cuz it’s a stupid fucking plan. If he’s just using bodies to let spirits feel pain so he can pound us into sharpened spirits like samurai swords for some future apocalyptic battle with a devil which by the way your god also must have created, fuck all that cuz none of it makes any sense and your god created Patton Oswalt and Michelle McNamara so they could love each other and then lose each other and that happens every day all over this planet with other couples all the fucking time and your god did all this? Fuck your god. This is all part of his mysterious plan? Well he shoulda been a smart enough god to realize what a fucked up stupid plan that was. Your god is a stupid god. And he’s too small minded to have been able to make such a wondrous and awe-inspiring and yes sometimes downright painful universe. Your image of a god is tiny in comparison to his alleged “creation.” You grok me? Your god can’t have existed, cuz he’d be too stupid to make any of this. All he had was YOUR brain to think with.
Now where was I? Oh yes. Cuz we nonbelievers can’t use pointless platitudes to console each other, what CAN we do? We can do this.
Her name is/was Michelle McNamara and she was crazy smart. Scary smart lady. She was into True Crime writing and you can read some of her stuff online. She had podcasts and blog posts about what interested her, and while she was nowhere near as funny as her husband, she’s crazy scary smart. I know it’s a small gesture and “better late than never” probably isn’t really, but if a lot of people were to look into who she is now, and then make a point to tell Patton Oswalt how crazy scary smart a lady she is, maybe that would help him in his time of sadness, if people make a point to grok why he loved her so much. Cuz she really was crazy stupid smart. He probably knew (of course he does) she was smart and warm and caring and beautiful and all that stuff and that he didn’t deserve her but she loved him anyway, just like any of us who have loved and lost someone special knows deep down. It’s not much, but it helps us to empathize and sympathize with those we love if we understand a little bit who and what they love and why.
Oh, and those close to him who are comedic need to make him laugh. I doubt I could ever do that. He needs to be handled by professionals in a time like this. A dozen or so of his funniest friends should roast the shit out of this guy some time soon.