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Okay I’m gonna try to explain this but it’s not gonna make any sense. I mean I’m doing this and I don’t get it. I’m scanning through my emails today cuz there were hundreds of them and I can’t remember the last time I checked my email. I use Twitter I use messaging I use other stuff I don’t mess with email as much anymore so anyway I’m clicking along and I was right little to any of this is valid to my every day life. I keep unsubscribing to everything but I’m still getting shit. Anyway, I come across what I’m about to copypaste below. Back in October apparently, I was trying to post something to Reddit from my phone, but I couldn’t get it to go. So instead, I copypasted what I typed into an email and sent it to myself from my phone, with the intention of attempting again to send this to Reddit when I got home that day. Obviously I forgot, cuz that was October and this is January, and I don’t even remember WHERE in Reddit I was supposed to be posting this but READ it. This makes no sense. This is my past self thinking what’s below was important or funny or I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know where else to put this but here, cuz this is where I leave slices of my brain so I can find them later.

Anyway. Copy paste begins below this line, typos and all. Salud.

Actually it’s like putting together a version of twentieth century human history by making up a narrative about Elvis Presley’s brother without doing any research, then taking stories written by other people before or during the 20th century, rewriting them to make Elvis Presley’s possibly fictitious brother the lead protagonist, and then destroying the original stories so future generations won’t know about them until centuries from now they uncover copies that were beyond your reach, AND THEN many centuries from now other people rewrite your rewrites, or “interpret” them to suit whatever their political aspirations and cultural needs are in the future, and by now any Elvis songs that still survive are believed to have been sung by Elvis Presley’s brother, whose name is Michael Presley now even tho you intentionally kept that mysterious cuz no one was supposed to name him but now he’s

Michael Presley and everyone wants to believe he’s gonna come back someday and thwart the evil Zappa demons and make the universe all over again because reasons. Also kumquats are now part of a sacrificial ritual that you would hate if you weren’t already long dead. You wouldn’t even recognize what you started and people have wars over how the kumquats are to be used in the sacrificial rituals and there’s a purist sect rising that want to bring back peanut butter but the idea of sandwiches has been lost so they just smear peanut butter on each other and exercise fertility rights. And all kids are named Michael, which really annoys elementary school teachers every morning during roll call.
Why would anyone want to live in a future where the recipe to Elvis Presley’s favorite sandwich was lost to obscurity? Thats the real travedty here. Praise “Bob”!