I was recently accused on Twitter of having never read the bible. This was after I quoted two bible verses to the person, and reprimanded her for using the bible to confirm the bible is legitimate, which is circular logic and you shouldn’t do that around me cuz it pisses me off. She said cuz I didn’t answer her question about Psalms 22 (which I did answer btw) and that told her I’d never read the bible. Obviously she’s never read the bible cuz she still believes in it.

If you start quoting the bible to me, I am fully within my rights to quote Carl Sagan back at you, or Mark Twain, or Douglas Adams, or William Shakespeare, or George Carlin, or Steve Martin, or anything that has been published within the last five hundred years to counter the dreck passing for knowledge that’s in the christian bible. The judeo-christian bible, and its sequel known in some circles as The Quran but known in other circles as “that other piece of shit” are both derived from the same original story of Abraham. Abraham had two sons. Issac And Ishamel. Issac was the one Abraham almost sacrificed to appease the judeo-christian-islamic god but god changed his mind at the last moment and Issac grew up to father the entire tribe of Judea. Or something like that. Ishmael had a messed up relationship with his father Abraham too, and then went on to father people who eventually fathered other people who eventually became the muslim people including Muhammad the Prophet long may he wave, but no flash photography please.

Some ppl ask me why I don’t attack muslims too? I bitch about how jews and christians can’t prove their bible’s claims. Guess what? Same god. The muslim god (allah) and the jewish god (yahweh) and the christian god (jehovah) are all the same guy. So when i point out one of these religions hasn’t been able to prove their god exists, please just understand I’m also saying the same about all the other religions too. Not a single god in the history of mankind has ever been proven to exist. Not one. I’m an equal opportunity asshole.

But how can all these different One True Gods be the same guy? Even though they all come from the same story about Abraham (which is why I often refer to judeo-christian-islamic religions as “The Abrahamics” not to be confused with “The Aristocrats”) it’s apparent that these different branches of the same belief structure see their god in different ways. In fact this same god that told the muslims to kill all jews and christians also told the jews not to trust muslims or christians or anyone else who challenges their beliefs. So this god has a split personality. He’s telling the sons of Ishmael to hate the sons of Issac and vice versa, even tho he’s the same guy. Either this guy hasn’t been taking his anti-psychotic medicine the past two thousand years, or he likes to watch his creation beat the ever loving crap out of each other. Even if I believed this god did exist, which i don’t, i don’t see why anybody should worship this asshole.

Christians have sided with the Jews over the Muslims, and then act all shocked and everything when extremist Muslims blow up shopping malls or set fire to orphanages. I’d be pissed off too if I were them. It’s one thing to have intercommunication errors due to translation difficulties between languages, but when we’re abusing English directly, that’s another thing entirely.  We go invade their countries and call it peace keeping. omgwtf? We freeze their assets in the global banking system & then tell them this is a step towards encouraging open discourse. I’m not saying I support Muslims. I’m saying all the sides in this conflict are fucking pissing me off.

Bottom line, if you read your bible you’d know all this is bullshit. Obviously anyone who still believes any of this bullshit hasn’t read their bible. I don’t need to ask you twenty questions about details in the bible to know what you have done is you have listened to old men in suits tell you what is in the bible and you pretend that’s just as good as sitting down and reading the damn thing for yourself. Or you open the book and go to the passages that the old man in a suit tells you to look at and you ignore the crap before and after that passage. Then you pull out your purse and call the number on the screen and give him money, or you pray to your god that next week you’ll have enough money to be able to send some to this old white haired man in a suit on your screen.

Issac Asimov once said the best remedy for religion is properly reading your bible. Please, read your bible. Don’t listen to some old fart telling you what to read. Just read the damn thing for yourself, cover to cover. Start with Genesis and just keep going. If you get through to Leviticus & Numbers without realizing you have been had and religion is a scam, I’ll be moderately surprised. For some people, it takes getting to all the way to the Pauline letters before you step back and realize none of these goat herders from thousands of years ago have the slightest idea what they are talking about.

A long time ago a dude named Galileo went to The Pope and explained to him that The Earth is not the center of the universe. Galileo thought this was cool. It is cool. However, the Pope took this to mean Galileo was saying the human race is not the center of god’s attention. He said Galileo was committing blasphemy. Galileo was just saying what he saw in the telescope. And he probably even tried to show it to the Pope. “See? Look in the telescope for yourself. Saturn’s just a globe in space like us w/some fuzzy things around it. It’s circling the sun just like we are. Isn’t that neat?” This goes against the teachings of the church at the time, and there’s nothing in the bible that confirms this, unless you jump through hoops and cut a few corners and pretend that actually what the original Hebrew or Aramaic means when it says one word that we’ve used for centuries actually means something else entirely.

First Chronicles 16:30 clearly states this world cannot be moved. Yet Galileo concluded that it’s moving all the time. Ecclesiastes 1:5 says the same thing Bill O’Reilly said not too long ago. The sun rises, and then it sets, and then it goes back to start over. That’s how it appears from a human perspective. However, objectively (and an omniscient god woulda known this and told the goatherders to write this down thousands of years ago) it’s the Earth that is rotating. The sun doesn’t actually rise or set. We say that cuz that’s how it looks from our perspective. It’s the Earth that is moving. Psalm 104:5 also says “The Lord has set the Earth on its foundations and it cannot be moved.”

We have known since the 1600s that the bible is full of shit. It was not written by an omniscient omnipotent god. It was written by impotent men who needed to manipulate other men to convince them not to kill each other. Then after they successfully manipulated tribes of men, they used this same fake knowledge to kill each other. That’s not belief. That’s history. Also in history is The Pope’s response to Galileo, which was to brand him a heretic and put him under house arrest for the rest of his life. Other times throughout history, when men would challenge the irrational lack of logic that faith represents, they’d get exiled, excommunicated, jailed, or downright sentenced to death, so in hindsight, Galileo got off easy. He musta had a good lawyer.

It’s over four hundred years later. The evidence has been in for quite some time. Contrary to what many believe, the bible is full of shit. That’s been scientifically proven repeatedly. So why do people still believe? Cuz they obviously haven’t read their bible. They think all they have to do is believe in an imaginary god. They don’t have to do their homework.

Do your homework. Read your bible. Then read some science books that were written since Galileo rather than stuff written over a millennium before he was sperm. I am an atheist and I’m telling you to read your bible. Start with the passages i cited above if you wish, and then read the stuff before and after those verses and you tell me if any of it makes sense in or out of context.

The Earth is not flat. It’s not in a fixed point in space, as the bible claims. As you sit here reading these words you are careening through space on a spinning mudball at speeds you cannot begin to contemplate. It’s like when you’re in a car, and the car’s going 55mph but unless you have the windows rolled down it feels like you’re sitting still. This Earth is traveling through space and spinning around a sun which is also spinning at an alarming speed around the center of the milky way galaxy, which is itself on the whole traveling through space in a different direction relative to the sun and Earth, in an ever expanding universe that shows no indication that it’s gonna stop expanding any time soon. Look in the bible all you want. That explanation ain’t anywhere in the bible, but it’s in every science book on astronomy since the days when Galileo looked into a telescope, and got arrested for telling people the truth.

Read Your Bible. It’s all plainly not there, for you to see for yourself. Then look up. And see for yourself that the stars were not put there by a god. It’s a great feeling, when you figure it out.